Falling Off the Wire Without a Net

I get a call first thing this morning scheduling my pre-op appointment to go have all of the preliminary blood work and other tests for the surgery. It was the last thing that needed to be scheduled, so once I received the call I felt things were all in place. I had set all the arrangements for friends and family to come take care of mom while I was in the hospital, and both of us once I was at home. Shortly after getting the appointment details, I received a call from the Breast Cancer Coordinator needing to reschedule my surgery. As she spoke the words, I knew what was about to follow. I'll interject to say that even though I knew what was coming (my surgery was being pushed back) I was thinking mere nanoseconds before she uttered the news, 'maybe she's calling me to push the date up.' Hope is such a strange, confused thing sometimes...

So I felt like someone had grabbed my ankles and up-ended me over the side of a ship and now I'm bobbing in the ocean, flummoxed as to why it happened as the ship sails away. Okay, a little over-dramatic, I grant you, but here's the upshot. My surgery is pushed back a full 3 weeks; that's not the worst of it. It is scheduled a day before Thanksgiving. This involves so many more people than just me. I've coordinated 5 individuals to come and Gary has worked diligently to coordinate his schedule. We're now going to have to start from scratch.

'So why?' you ask. Well, I was told there is a woman who was diagnosed about the same time as I was, but she has invasive cancer. Due to reasons they didn't go into, she was not able to get her surgery earlier. Because she has invasive surgery, her case is much more urgent than mine. Dr. Rodriguez, the plastic surgeon, is in very high demand... he is after all, the best! So they need to do it sooner. Sadly, I got bumped. It sounds harsh, but I'm completely empathetic for this woman. I know if I were in her position, everyday I waited would be a shear eternity of agony. Just knowing that the cancer could be breaking free and circulating in my body would be a little more than I could bare. My cancer is non-invasive and is still confined to the duct. While I want it out as soon as possible, I'm not in her position.

Patience, damn it. Patience!!